Instead of Coffee, Let's Have Dinner

A Conversation over Sunday Dinner

Welcome to my dinner party!

Since we cannot gather for a real-life dinner party, I invite you to a virtual meal today!

If there is a dish you would like to bring, please add it to the comments (recipes are welcome as well as just the name of the dish!)

If you want to start a topic of conversation - add that in the comments as well.

Let me get you a drink! I have sparkling water and sodas. I also have some new vodka from Journeyman Distillery that is amazing.

As we wait for everyone to arrive I would tell you there was a fantastic article on LitHub about dinner parties! You can read it here: https://lithub.com/why-we-all-need-dinner-parties-in-our-lives/

And there is a book! A book! I was able to put a hold on it at the library and then go pick it up the same day! WHOO HOO!

Now that everyone has arrived let’s start the meal with our appetizer of Vegetable Samosas.

During the appetizer, I would tell you I hosted the Centered Book Club and we had a lovely conversation that started with a thunderstorm. We didn’t get to finish the conversation but the question out in the Zoom room was “Does the place you live influence your life and writing?”

I believe it does. I discovered yesterday that a cafe is within walking distance of the library. A new bookstore/coffee/wine bar opened and is also within walking distance of the library. This may be dangerous! I wish more places were within walking distance of where I live but I also like living on water.

Our main course tonight is Chicken Saag. I would tell you I had to learn how to make this for lack of an acceptable Indian restaurant. The one I used to frequent with a running friend has been long gone. I still miss their apricot and nut naan. I used to order some to go for dessert later!

During dinner, I would tell you how interesting it is to me how I learn about people reading my writing. I would like to state for the record that this newsletter or my blog or any other writing one might find of mine is a fraction of who I am as a person. Be careful about making assumptions. This is a general rule for all writing you see on the internet or social media - not just for me.

There are many people in my life, past and present, who think they know who I am because of some created story they have from pieces of what they have heard or maybe seen when interacting with me in a specific context. As a general rule, I don’t share a lot of personal things and when I do it is a specifically curated list of details. There are lots of details you would not want to hear about. I don’t even want to think about them, let alone write about them. Sometimes they leak out in interesting ways in spite of my brain trying to protect itself.

One time I was at a work conference and we were returning to the airport in a cab. Conversation started and I decided to share some details of my life within the context of the conversation. I have never heard the words, “I didn’t know that about you.” so many times in one time frame. They had worked with me for years and had no idea who I was outside of a slim work definition. They only knew what I shared publicly. I was not friends with them outside of work. There were lots of tasks I did and didn’t run around telling everyone I was doing it. These people only realize after I have left jobs and then they wonder why those things are not getting done. Remember the iceberg theory - it also applies to people.

I have a different voice if I am teaching, or reading to children, or talking to my 20 year old son, or talking to my husband. All of us do. Some friends can read my fiction and know what seeds of experience have morphed into made-up stories. There is only one person that knows where everything’s origins are and he knows who he is.

I understand being a writer that people are going to make judgments about me, my life, my choices, and my writing based on limited information. It doesn’t make it easy, but it is something I have to learn to reframe. What relationships and life look like on the outside are different than when you are living them. I am always surprised that people don’t remember this fact.

Recently, I have had people tell me they don’t agree with my choices. (I have had people tell me this a lot actually. ) They are entitled to their opinions , but they don’t know what I have lived through in order to make those decisions. There were many times in life I thought that if I were in a specific situation that I would make a specific choice. Having now lived through painful situations that my naive self of the past had no idea I would literally be in the real decision in the moment is much different than the imagined scenario.

Have you encountered this problem as well? I would love to hear about it.

For dessert, we are having Gulab jamun.

During dessert I would tell you this past week was extremely busy! I was up early every day and also had a meeting or class I was teaching every evening. Today, we went to breakfast and it was delicious! There are many things that need to be written today and then I get to spend the afternoon with my son!

Thank you for coming today! I would love to have you attend next time as well!

Want to read my writing? Click here!

As always, thank you for reading!