Three Questions
+a few additional sprinkled in
I love questions.
In a writing community I belong to there is a weekly check-in meeting on Mondays. It is a casual meeting with a revolving attendance which centers around three questions.
What are you celebrating?
What are your challenges/obstacles?
Where do you need help?
In the past, I have used Todd Henry's questions for reflection: (1) What are you working on right now? (2) Is there anything we can help you with? (3) What's inspiring you right now?
I like the inspiration question in particular.
Whichever set is used, the question about the help is often the one skipped in the tone of, "I don't think there is anything I specifically need help with this week." Occasionally, someone will ask for an actionable help task - an individual check-in on a specific day, a time to work together silently, a courtesy read - which I always appreciate. Help is often offered unsolicited or in the way of storied parallel problems.
With everything, asking for help takes practice. As many of us in a teaching profession, we are used to taking care of a lot of things on our own. In my personal experience, I have asked for help and not received it (from people that you would have expected to help me.)
A story I tell myself is that asking for help will take longer. I am at the point where I am asking myself the question, "Is that really true?" when faced with what I perceive as facts.
Help often comes in the form of a life-giving conversation which is the way I prefer it. Often when I need help or am struggling I retreat and cancel the meeting or don't show up. I am always willing to help someone else who asks.
I just need more practice being the one who asks for help I guess.
How do you feel about asking for help?
I had an epiphany on this topic of asking for help a few years ago, when I noticed that I LOVED it when a colleague or a student or one of my sisters reached out and asked me for help. It makes me feel honored and valuable, two really helpful contradictions of the dredges of childhood trauma. The other thing I started noticing is that asking for help provides an opportunity for connection. It feels like I'm imposing, but it's actually a hand extended over a breach. Showing vulnerability can feel not just hard, but dangerous, however the power in it can be transformative. I still struggle with it, but sometimes I remember that it almost always makes things better. Thanks for this reminder, friend.
Love this Tammy, this is a great point! It was definitely hard for me to ask for help when I first started my writing career. It was beyond hard and I felt weak doing it, even in school. But I guess it was super hard for me to realize that getting that help can make your life so much easier and save you tons of time. Pretty much most of the time I’ve invested in help, it was always worth it.💪💪